Marriages in India

Disclaimer: Feminist post ahead :)

Being brought up in conservative society of India, girls are being brought up in a way where they think that marriage is the topmost priority in life. Being married to a well earning guy should be one’s dream of life. You can study and can afford to have an independent career or may be a house or car, but you cannot stay independently.  You need to get married and have kids. Only then your sole motive of existence is fulfilled. Isn’t that ridiculous? I mean why do we women need male companion or in that sense security.  Marriage is a wonderful institution but one should only go for it when one is madly in love with that person and wants to spend their whole life with that person, accept all flaws of the other person and want to start a family together. I don’t understand why on earth I need to get married otherwise.

Who would look after you when friends and family are not around? What? Am I going to turn anti-social as I age? People meet new people and make new friends. Everyone is not going to stay around always. But isn’t that the truth of life? What is the surety that the man I get married to won’t die before me leaving me all alone? Men die before women, so that’s totally possible. I may not have kids from my marriage or my kids may be way too busy in their career or life to care for old parents. I cannot take them for granted. So, what happens in that case? I got married and had kids for not dying alone but I end up doing the same. How would I make up for the fun and enjoyment I missed in my life due to these things?

Arranged marriage….another disaster in India …I mean why on earth should I marry a guy whom I, leave alone love, don’t even know?  I mean why should I one fine day go and marry a stranger? They say parents choose more wisely than us …but isn’t it my life? I would be way more happier to take risks, make mistakes, fall and then learn from my mistakes and get up. Do not spoon feed me throughout my life. I have my IQ, I can use it….it is my life. Let me decide. I’ll know when I meet someone special. Nobody wants to stay alone, we are social animals, but no relationship is way better than a bad relationship. How can you people know more when you don’t even know the guy? How can you know better when it is me who has to stay literally live with that person for may be whole of my life.

You should marry a rich guy, the richer guy you get to marry, the luckier you are. For heaven’s sake, it is my life we are talking about, not some gambling game at some casino or club. Yes money is of course very necessary in life but that does not give you the surety that a rich guy will keep you happier than a poor guy.  Love, happiness, satisfaction…these are very different things in life which money cannot buy. All you need to survive is a small house, and enough money to feed yourself and pay your bills. We can always work on the money factor to earn more, but happiness? We cannot work on that to become happier!

In India 25 is considered the correct age for girls to get married, 30 is too old.  Whereas for a guy, 30 is the perfect age. A girl should be younger than the boy.  So that a guy can keep doing her for longer? Is this a setup for a sex racket? As if ,if he can keep doing her, he gives a written commitment to never cheat. As if the most important relationship of humankind which should be solely based on love should actually be based on sex. She should be of the same caste. Why on earth you need to break up the human community into groups and sub groups and smaller sub groups? Do people of other groups have different biological structure or different genetic composition? People prefer honor killing than accepting a bride or groom of other community. I mean for god’s sake nobody remembers the name of their great grandparents and the traditions they used to follow. I am literally exactly the same as my friends from different castes and religions. So, why can’t we just give up? She should be pretty, fair, slim, beautiful. She is a girl not a cow for god’s sake. She should know how to do all household chores. My god, why don’t you keep a housekeeper for yourself? And who the hell asks for these things? The ugly looking fat morons whom you would have never dated in your college are the valued contenders here. All the good looking ones are taken i.e. engaged or married. And if by ill-fated luck, any good looking guy falls into the arranged marriage category, he will have huge expectations. As if he should straight away get to marry Princess Diana. Oh how could I forget, a princess Diana who does all household chores and takes care of her in-laws and produces a lot of children and above all keep shut. What are we? Aren’t we humans like them?  Then why on earth do they get to be preferred ones and we the less privileged ones? Oh, how can I forget the famous Indian dowry system? A girl’s parents must be punished for giving birth to a female child and should pay the groom a huge dowry (i.e. cash, jewelry, car, house…) to compensate for his daughter’s lifelong expenses. Why on earth why? Is the guy physically handicapped and not capable of earning enough to feed his family? Well, in that case why is he getting married in the first place? I am so shocked to see how well this dowry system flourishes among the so-called educated class! Even if government tries to put a fine on these things if caught, the educated class makes sure not to get caught and the upper class uses this to show off of their wealth and power. If you are so rich, why don’t you help the underprivileged ones? Why don’t you understand that these things lead to female foeticide, female infanticide, dowry killing and many other anti-social events. And again an interesting fact, the female foeticide also happens mostly among the educated lot of people. How can you kill your own child just because she is a girl? Only that's her fault ?Why don’t you understand that this degrades the position of women in society and leads to rapes? Why don’t you understand that you rich people are setting this wrong trend in society which the poor are also following at the stake of keeping their house or domestic pets on mortgage to marry off their daughters? 

Ours is a male dominated society, women in our country do everything they can to satisfy and massage that male ego. A woman herself is the enemy of her own gender. If women would not have supported, it would never have been possible for men in our society to rule. In our country we say that western culture is very bold. You feel our youth is trying to be like them .What are you people worried about? That someday your women will be like theirs and you’ll no longer be superior and will no longer have her to dominate and suppress?

Is that the reason you are trying to force to get her married? So that you can feel safe that she no longer would be a danger to you? Or as a society we literally are so un-advanced that we have hell lot of free time and we just can’t stop discussing about people’s life? Or are you as a married man suffering so much that you want others to go through the same pain? Or you are not sure about your society that this single woman can be safe in future staying alone, and so want to get her married for her security? Isn't it better to keep a security guard ?

Whatever it is, the question still remains the same how should one, staying in this society, undergo all the society and family pressure and not give in to it?